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If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.