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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.