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Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.