Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...