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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"