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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!