Daily Silly Status

feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.

I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..

Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.

Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.

My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.

When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."

I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.

I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!

If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made

Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together

wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"

Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.

U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke

pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.

Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.