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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?