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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.