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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.