Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?