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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science