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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak