Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.