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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.