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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.