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Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Condoms prevent minivans.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.