Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.