Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!