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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.