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Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
My anger management class pisses me off
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....