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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.