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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
The best things in life require no pants.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."