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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.