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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I do not argue, I explain why Iām right.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."