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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.