Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.