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Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.