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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M