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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
My favorite beer is the next one.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light