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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.