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It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes