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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.