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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
All milk is breast milk.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.