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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.