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Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.