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Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?