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They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.