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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.