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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic