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I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.