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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
There is no time to check time
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…