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I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.