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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.