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Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.