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It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.