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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.