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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.