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If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.