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This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"