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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...