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I drink to make other people interesting
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?