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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
This is a lousy dating site.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
when in Rome get naked ;)