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Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.