Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.