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Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park