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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.