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Haters are my motivators(:
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
AWESOME!
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.