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I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes