Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.