Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.