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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.