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I like the part of the day when food happens.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....