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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.