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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.